>Sublet Surrealism

>Last year I got a screenwriting gig – a project that I actually want to write – and headed out of town for a month to get started. The cavalcade coming through to sublet the apartment was the usual motley lot, mostly film production people in their spring migration to NYC.

I had three of them in the living room at once, including a gigantic African-American man who made the apartment seem like a doll house.

‘Most hipsters are scrawny and small,’ I said, watching him closely in fear that he would turn too quickly and smash a hole in the wall.

So why are you going? the slender camerawoman sitting on the couch said.

I need to be somewhere quiet to write the first draft of a screenplay, I said.

You will write the screenplay in one month? said the black guy’s friend, a short, bald man with a heavy mitteleuropa accent.

A first draft, I said.

It took me five years to write my screenplay, he said.

I felt guilty.

Well, I said, Your screenplay must be good.

When Miramax calls you back in four hours, he said, You know it is good.

What’s it called, the camerawoman asked.

It is called, ‘Twin Souls’, he said.

Oh, she said, There hasn’t been any good twin things in a while. Now is a great time to pitch twins.

No, he said, They are not twins. It is about two people with shared souls who manage to find each other across the world.

That does sound wonderful, I said.

>Respecting the Free Press

>A charming excerpt from the Blagojevich criminal complaint.

During the call, ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife can be heard in the background telling ROD BLAGOJEVICH to tell Deputy Governor A “to hold up that fucking Cubs shit. . . fuck them.”

ROD BLAGOJEVICH asked Deputy Governor A what he thinks of his wife’s idea. Deputy Governor A stated that there is a part of what ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife said that he “agree[s] with.”

Deputy Governor A told ROD BLAGOJEVICH that Tribune Owner will say that he does not have anything to do with the editorials, “but I would tell him, look, if you want to get your Cubs thing done get rid of this Tribune.”

Later, ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife got on the phone and, during the continuing
discussion of the critical Tribune editorials, stated that Tribune Owner can “just fire” the writers because Tribune Owner owns the Tribune. ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s wife stated that if Tribune Owner’s papers were hurting his business, Tribune Owner would do something about the editorial board. ROD BLAGOJEVICH then got back on the phone.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH told Deputy Governor A to put together the articles in the Tribune that are on the topic of removing ROD BLAGOJEVICH from office and they will then have
someone, like JOHN HARRIS, go to Tribune Owner and say, “We’ve got some decisions
to make now.”

ROD BLAGOJEVICH said that “someone should say, ‘get rid of those
people.’” ROD BLAGOJEVICH said that he thinks that they should put this all together and then have HARRIS or somebody go talk to the Tribune owners and say, “Look, we’ve got decisions to make now. . . moving this stuff forward (believed to be a reference to the IFA helping with the Cubs sale) . . . someone’s gotta go to [Tribune Owner], we want to see him. . it’s a political fuckin’ operation in there.”

Deputy Governor A agreed and said that HARRIS needs to be “sensitive” about how he does it.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH said there is nothing sensitive about how you do it and that it’s “straight forward” and you say “we’re doing this stuff for you, we believe this is right for Illinois [and] this is a big deal to [Tribune Owner] financially” but what ROD BLAGOJEVICH is doing to help Tribune Owner is the same type of action that the Tribune is saying should be the basis for ROD BLAGOJEVICH’s impeachment.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH said Tribune Owner should be told “maybe we can’t do this now. Fire those fuckers.”

Deputy Governor A suggested that ROD BLAGOJEVICH say, “I’m not sure that we can do this anymore because we’ve been getting a ton of these editorials that say, look, we’re going around the legislature, we gotta stop and this is something the legislature hasn’t approved. We don’t want to go around the legislature
anymore.”

ROD BLAGOJEVICH agreed and said that he wants HARRIS to go in and make
that case, “not me.” \

Deputy Governor A agreed and said that he likes it.

ROD BLAGOJEVICH asked Deputy Governor A to put the list of Tribune articles together.

>A Ramble on the Internet

>So I’m listening to jazz on last.fm (what a great invention), when a soloing pianist starts to riff on the Flintstones theme. Quite charming. The listing says it’s Ornette Coleman’s Congeniality off the Ken Burns jazz set. I want to find out who the pianist is so I start poking around but can’t find a Congeniality that’s 13:59. In fact, I’m starting to wonder if it’s Ornette at all. I wasn’t paying that much attention when the song was playing but Ornette didn’t pop into my head. So I ramble a little further and come to a much more likely candidate – ‘The Egg’ by Herbie Hancock. What does it mean though, when music is being so casually mislabeled in the Interverse?

I did discover that the composer of the Flintstones theme was a man named Hoyt Curtin, a commercial jingle composer before his big breakthrough with Hanna Barbara – and that musicians often riff on the tune.